blue beverly

2011

2011-12-18T23:50:00.003+08:00

It's less than half a month before the end of 2011. Many events have happened in this year, almost every major thing that could happen to everyone's life has happened to me. Studies, career, relationships, and friendships, and most importantly, family.

I have graduated from National University of Singapore, with a Bachelor Degree in Chemical Engineering. Four years in Engineering has taught me to always try to solve problems whenever possible. It has also taught me about life in the working world, especially during my six-month Industrial Attachment. I'm quite sure I would not like a job where I have to be stucked at my desk 24/7, hence I chose a job where I have to walk around and talk for at least half of my day - teaching. Of course I have made several good friends, especially during the completion of my design project.

I went to Amsterdam, Belgium, France, England and Scotland for my graduation trip with Mark and Joseph. That was really an eye opener, and a fantastic trip with good company. I managed to meet up with three best friends - Lim Zhi, Wei Yann, and Chin Yik - during the trip, and of course it has been a while since I last met them. It was a good catching-up, after such a long parting where I can't even remember how long was it.

Teaching in a Singapore secondary school for one month of course is also an extraordinary experience. That's where I met Jon, someone whom I am able to relate the most after I came to Singapore for the past 7 years. I had to choose between friendship and relationship, and it seemed that I have chosen friendship, and reluctantly accepted the fact that I will lose the relationship that I have been in for three years. It was a very painful and despairing experience, and I'm not even sure whether I have had let it go totally.

Christmas is coming, and soon it will be the time with my family again. Somehow I have started to miss my family. Soon I will be back, soon...

It's been a while...

2010-11-30T22:58:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I last wrote anything here. About a year I guess...

I have been thinking about what I want out of my life. Well, you know, this is not the kind of thing you ponder everyday, but once in a while, it will pop up in your head and remind you of what you would want to do in five, or ten years down the road.

I'm graduating soon. It's time to look for a job. Alternatively, look for a course for further studies (though that would be one of my last few choices). It will look like a rat race all over again. Get good results, find a good job, do your best in what you are doing. Yet I feel life is so much more than that. I don't want to end up in a rat race, where what people think of is success in academics, success in work. And really, success in life is quite a subjective matter isn't it? So then again, everyone has got a different opinion in what is success in life, and hence whatever that everyone else says " You should..." is just advice. Advice is something we should consider, but should not follow blindly.

Then again, am I really sure this is what I want? Nobody will know, not even ourselves.

隐忧

2010-01-25T23:57:00.002+08:00

三年的隐忧，今天终于舒缓了。一直为某个人担忧，今天隐约得知他有了新的方向，也总算可以告诉自己，是时候放下了。

是真的舒缓了吗，还是自己骗自己？也许，无意中，我已失去了一个知己。

辞职

2009-12-26T01:37:00.002+08:00

辞职这件事，大概很多人都知道了吧！在连上班都还没正式，就把公司给裁了。理由很简单，因为不合理的工作时间，而要我们牺牲上课的机会，再加上还要我们教小学生的补习班。当然还有很多不能明言的理由，但那些都已经不重要了。是那间公司把大学生当傻瓜，还是老板想滥用大学实习生的制度？我想，两个都是。他们说，他们请大学生已经有十年的历史了，这十年来还不曾有人埋怨，这还真让人生气。就让他们看看今天的大学生吧，别认为大学生都是书呆子。

这一年的一切计划，又得从新策划了。真的很累人。

Holiday

2009-12-09T20:01:00.003+08:00

Finally it's time to have holiday. Today I've got all the free time in the world, but my wallet was left with only 5 dollars. Emergency call back to home, and of course, family is still the best place when there is nothing to fall back on.

Went to settle some medals and certificates problem, and then straight down to Plaza Singapura to look for working clothes. Sadly to say, the price for the shirts here are way too expensive especially if I were to convert back to Malaysia Ringgit, so after about one hour of lazing around, I headed down to Bugis where there are more departmental stores and where there is the famous Bugis Village. Search through the whole departmental store, can't seem to find any good blouse, and there left the only choice. Finally managed to find one store that sells office wear after two hours of searching, and got two shirts for thirty-six bucks, and the quality is amazing.

Going to take part in a dance competition this weekend, not sure why I am not having the nervous feeling even though it's our first standard ballroom competition (have been taking part in latin ballroom for the one and a half year). Got all my costumes and makeup ready, it's just a a matter of enjoying the dance now. I guess we have that trained long ago, can't say we are good at it though.

生气

2009-11-26T17:50:00.003+08:00

今天头疼了一整天。因为早上被逼起床得太早，后来睡了整个早上，也无法让头疼消失。其中的理由，真的很不想说，只有两个字：生气。

本来打算复习一整个下午，却因为生气，而耽误了好久好久。。。

总是觉得

心很疼。

叹气

2009-11-03T22:30:00.002+08:00

不知道是不是选错了科系，怎么感觉上自己不太喜欢？这个星期比任何一个星期都还要忙，功课限期与考试都在这个星期，大学的教授也真是的。。。

Urticaria

2009-10-27T12:22:00.002+08:00

Feel so tired ever since the semester has started. My skin problem is still around as well...

Didn't feel like posting anything for the past few months. Perhaps I should update more regularly about what's happening recently.

Till next one.

Three-month-holiday

2009-08-12T17:41:00.003+08:00

Apparently today is the second day of school after a three months holiday. It's obvious that I have not been updating my blog. Guess I will do a short one now about how I spent my three months hols.

For the first and second month I have been preparing for dance competitions in June and July. Every week I dance about four or five times, depending on our schedule. Also, I was preparing my tuition students for their exams, there comes the hectic tuition timetable. Our results for the June competition Stardust was good. We did not do as well for the July competition though, but it was still within our expectation.

For the one month left, Mark and I went to Sydney for the Dark Moon Faire as well as for holidays for ten days. Visited my dear friend Chareli of course, and can't give enough compliment for the great host. Met Jor How as well, and found out that his girlfriend is doing the same course as him, which is also the same as Mark and I. Sydney is a fabulous place for holiday, I miss the hot chocolate and rib steaks and sweet corn as well as the cold weather. We went to the Blue Mountains, and the view was picturesque.

I went back home too, visiting my brother who are staying in hostel now and went to Wong Kok Restaurant at Sunway Pyramid for a total of four times in a week. That's a record. Rested at home, and met an old friend before he flies to the UK. He will be studying his Master degree there, and when he finishes his Masters, I will just be completing my junior year.

School has started slowly these two days, and I guess I will be busy as soon as this Friday after we have a five hour lab.

Let's work hard for the new semester.

The end of fourth semester in NUS

2009-05-05T21:09:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since I last wrote anything here. Well, what else could be the reason? Examinations as well as projects! Today marks the end of my 4th semester in NUS. Just finished my last paper at 3pm. And of course, after the exam, I called the Management office of Prince George's Park, reporting disfunctional of my ceiling fan. They told me that they have to change the whole fan, and I will have to be in the queue as there are more than one fan that needs to be changed. Anyway, hope it doesn't affect me too much as I will be going back home tomorrow. Hope they change the fan as soon as possible.

Here marks the end of my sophomore year. Not too excited about it. More of worried about my grades again. Still, this is the start of my three months holidays! And.... I will be going to Sydney in end of June. Chareli here I come!!! Hope the flu pandemic will be not as serious by that time.

Tomorrow I will be back home for five days. It will definitely be a good rest. Miss my family a lot, I think my youngest brother have grown taller again. Or he might be taller than me already.

Time for a good rest, after a long tiring semester.

想哭

2009-04-01T13:39:00.002+08:00

想哭了。最近实在发生了太多事，让我没有时间去消化，更不用说去好好处理。情绪起伏很大，让身边的人都要受不了我了。我想回家，想回到那永远属于我的地方，想回到那永远不会排斥我的地方。但是，离回家的时间还有好一段日子。而家里最近发生的事，让我更加着急，更加无可奈何。

脾气最近变的很坏，性子很急，也没什么耐性。受不了我是正常的，因为连我也受不了我自己。

我很想逃避，虽然，那不能解决问题。。。

Inspiring lecture

2009-03-04T15:28:00.002+08:00

Skipped a tutorial today to watch this lecture. I have read his book last year, but it's still refreshing and inspiring to once again, listen to his story.

Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

悠哉

2009-03-03T01:33:00.002+08:00

原来

生活都不是美满的

总是有那么多让人烦恼的事

如果说自己不关心

那是骗人的

终于知道

紧紧纠缠着的头疼

来自何处

不想去管

但不能不管

会来的

始终会来的

很久没有跟朋友

悠悠地

吃饭

聊天了

很怀念

那悠闲的生活

悠哉悠哉

忘了开心

2009-02-26T00:07:00.004+08:00

原来

忘了原来的自己

感觉是很痛苦的

原来

以为自己过得充实

却发现自己

什么也没有得到

原来

生活中

本来能让自己开心的事

似乎都没有疗效

忘记了

怎么让自己开心

忘记了

如何放下

Lunar New Year

2009-01-30T21:49:00.002+08:00

Went back home on Saturday for Lunar New Year and came back on Tuesday. Better than not going back at all. It's going to be another few more months before I stepped into my home again.

There was a gathering at Settler's Cafe on Wednesday and another one at dance studio on Thursday. I went for both, but wasn't happy with the Thursday one. A deformed gathering. Sigh. That explains my quick message on MSN.

This semester is going to be a very busy semester for me. I must remember my promise to myself. Do remind me if you know.

Another new semester

2009-01-19T01:25:00.001+08:00

Busy. Busy. Busy.

Last few days of 2008

2008-12-29T00:31:00.002+08:00

I am at home now. After half a year of not coming back home. Being at home is both good and bad. The good thing about being at home is that I get to rest, and it feels like I am really having a holiday. The bad thing is things are never quite the same, or rather, I need to get used to being at home again.

Spending time at home for Christmas and New Year. Yeah it's my most favourable season within the whole year. Should spend time with the ones I love. Oh well, still missing a few people.

Emotionally down.

The start of the holidays!

2008-12-02T20:37:00.002+08:00

Finally I had my last paper today. Here goes the start of my favourite holidays of the year... Christmas!

Can't wait for Christmas...

Almost the end...

2008-11-14T19:42:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day of school of my first semester in my second year in uni. Coming up will be a dance competition in Muar on this Sunday, followed by one whole week of study week, and then there comes the two weeks of examination week again before moving on into holidays.

Meanwhile, enjoy the weekends. =)

Update

2008-11-11T00:16:00.003+08:00

Some random updates about my life.

1. Going to Muar this Sunday for the last dance competition before exam.

2. Exam coming up in less than two weeks time.

3. Lost weight over these few months.

4. Enjoyed a dinner at Spagaddies.

5. Brother is having STPM.

5. Having last week of school for this semester.

6. One more week of dance practice.

7. Started preparing for the exams slowly.

8. Good luck and all the best for those who are taking exams.

9. Enjoying life.

That's all I can think about now.

Love Me

2008-11-03T23:33:00.001+08:00

Suddenly came across this old song in my laptop. My emotions are deeply affected.

Love Me

Collin Raye

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923

Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me

He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,

Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together

Get married in the first town we came to and live forever

But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead

I found this letter, and this is what it said :

"If you get there before I do

Don't give up on me

I'll meet you when my chores are through

I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down

Darling wait and see

And between now and then

Til I see you again

I'll be loving you

Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away

In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray

I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years

But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do

Don't give up on me

I'll meet you when my chores are through

I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down

Darling wait and see

And between now and then

Til I see you again

I'll be loving you

Love, Me."

21st Singapore International Ballroom Dancing Championship 2008

2008-11-03T13:25:00.002+08:00

Here goes our 2nd competition in the beginner level. I didn't do as well as normal, or rather, I wasn't in a competition mode. Anyway, we got 4th for Rumba and 2nd for Paso Doble, which I consider a not-too-bad result. Still a long way to go I should say. Have to remind myself to enjoy the dance. Aim for the next competition which is coming up in two weeks time.

Happy thought

2008-10-29T01:14:00.002+08:00

Today went to catch a movie with M at Vivocity. It's been a while since we last watch a movie, and amidst the busy schedule and workload, we decided to take a few hours break. He was almost late, and he wanted to leave after the movie for card games. Given the normal usual me, I would have shouted or be angry with him. Yet today, I felt grateful.

Perhaps you can say that I was in a good mood. Perhaps I do. Yet I am still being grateful that he was able to make it on the dot, and he spent a few more minutes with me after the movie to buy food with me. I could have been angry and not talked to him at all since he was going to leave me alone, yet I didn't. I chose to be happy. Perhaps I am too tired of arguing with him over these little small things. Again, I chose to be happy.

I feel that my heart aches less when I am happy. Being grateful that we are loving each other truely, madly, deeply.

Random

2008-10-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

Don't feel like posting anything recently. Perhaps I am too busy. Will just post anything that comes to my mind now.

1. Another dance competition coming up next Sunday. Practising hard for it.

2. Mid terms are over. Yet all the assignments are due soon.

3. Enjoying life, busy dancing.

4. Homework, don't feel like doing it sometimes.

5. It's another weekend again.

6. Time flies.

...

Mid Semester Break

2008-09-30T21:08:00.003+08:00

Perhaps mid semester break was not really a break at all. I managed to finish my marketing assignment in four days (which seriously took up quite a lot a lot of the time), studied for two of my subjects in which the mid term test have just passed, and dance for a few days. I guess I have slack down quite a lot for dance, due to the heavy workload I have during the mid term break. Time to buckle up, since another competition is coming up.

Finished two papers yesterday and today, still got one more to go. Trying to enjoy life, despite the hectic schedule.

p/s: LZ, what do you want me to talk about? haha...

21st Birthday

2008-09-19T21:09:00.005+08:00

This year is rather a quiet birthday, as I have an exam on my 21st birthday. Still, went out with M for dinner, and had dance friends celebrated with me the day after when I went for dance practice. Of course, received quite a few phone calls from old friends, as well as facebook messages and sms. Anyway, thanks to all my friends and of course, my family as well.

Was browsing through the photos, though I should update the one on Social and Ballroom Dancing Club Dinner and Dance on 16th August 2008. Haven't received the photos on the Crystal Dance Championship, will upload once I got them, or rather, when I have the time. Haha...

Some of the people will go to the studio to take pictures for their 21st birthday. I guess these few pictures are sufficient to mark down the last of my 20 year old journey.

p/s: thanks to Zhisheng who took the pictures for us. =)

Crystal Dance Championship

2008-09-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

Went to KL on 31st August to join the Crystal Dance Championship at Shangri-la Hotel. It was my second competition, and instead of pre-beginner, we have joined the beginner level (level up). We made it into the semi-finals for Rumba and Jive, and we got 4th place for Samba.

It will be a long journey.

The end of holidays

2008-08-09T20:12:00.003+08:00

Two more days before school officially starts, and this post marks the end of my three months of enjoyable holidays. So what is special about the holidays this time? I get to work for three jobs, which they didn't really prevent me from going dance practice. I went for two performances and a dance competition, which marks the start of my life as a dance competitor. Most importantly, I am in love, embracing on a relationship which I didn't expect myself to be.

Nonetheless, I went back home for one week. Indeed, only one week. My mother kept ranting about it. Met up with two of my secondary school friends, and the rest of the days going shopping with my mother. My siblings are still the same, and I am glad that my sister bidded farewell to me.

Well, life goes on. Did a personal goal-setting when I was back home. Time to be more disciplined about myself. I have rested relatively well this holidays. Prepare to fly again.

Busy holidays

2008-07-25T17:16:00.002+08:00

Have been really busy this holidays, until I didn't notice that time actually flies. Anyway, I will be going back home on coming Monday for exactly one week. Hope to meet up with some friends, but most importantly, my family.

Till next one.

Clashes

2008-07-08T16:22:00.002+08:00

My timetable now is in a mess. I was told last minute that the performance is on 18 July instead of 17, and that makes a lot of difference. Besides, the SnB Dinner and Dance will be on 2nd August (though it's not officially announced yet), and yet I will be back home during that time. Sigh. I really don't know why people like to make last minute changes.

Stardust - A memorable experience

2008-06-29T21:57:00.003+08:00

Finally our first competition has taken place. I should say that I am satisfied with the result for this competition, though we (my partner and I) think that we can still do better than this. It was really exciting looking all the people dancing, especially the amateur section. It was, indeed, a memorable experience.

Time to rest for a while.

Time to level up.

Everyone with Allan and Alice, our instructors.

My partner and I.

With the medals.

Stardust

2008-06-25T13:38:00.002+08:00

Finally the long-waited dance competition will be held in less than a week. We have been practising after the performance has ended, but I have been refraining myself from overdoing it. Meanwhile, we are still going Settler's Cafe for work, and once in a while, I will have tuition and other job.

A lot of friends have been asking my partner and I whether we are feeling nervous. M has been asking me whether I'm excited about it as well. I guess I have mixed feelings towards it, but most importantly, I have been reminding myself that the main reason I am in this dance competition is because of I like dancing, and at the end of the day, it's the enjoyment that I should treasure the most.

Sometimes M and I would quarrel a lot and be frustrated towards each other because of dance. Yet I am glad that we can always resovle it as we have the same directions for dance. Communication is always important for the maintenance of partnership as well as relationship.

p/s: Dear... keep going!

Update

2008-06-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

Have been giving myself a break from almost everything recently. Was sent to the clinic under emergency by M last Friday, and was given two injections: pain killer and muscle relaxer. Am telling myself not to strain my own body too much, especially with work and dance. Health is still more important.

The internal conflicts with dance are still on. Just went out with two friends and had a long chat. I guess I am now in an easy and relaxing state, where I worry least about things, even the internal conflicts are still there.

Life is still good...

Dance

2008-06-11T01:06:00.002+08:00

Yeah I am still talking about dance. Probably that's the most interesting thing that I have done during this three-month holidays.

Dance have been interesting. I realise I am being repetitive. Have been facing some conflicts. Both internal and external. I hope they would be over soon.

I must remind myself the main reason I joined dance: I love dancing. This would lead me to choose the correct path.

CAC+US photos

2008-06-09T13:23:00.009+08:00

Here goes some of the photos for the performance. There are more pictures posted on the Facebook.

Girls before the make-up...

Mark and I performing the vibrant and flirtatious Cha Cha

Josh and Candice, Mark and I performing the lovely Rumba

The Chronicles of M & B VI *faint* (quote my friend)

CAC+US

2008-05-26T10:47:00.002+08:00

There goes our dance performance on 25th May, 2008 at University Cultural Centre. Was really excited about it after the rehearsal on Saturday (24th), as it is a full dress rehearsal and all the girls have to put on make-up and the costumes.

Didn't danced as well as our practice session. Perhaps we were too nervous. Perhaps the sound system was lagging. Perhaps we didn't have enough warm up. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the dance, and that was the only thing that matters.

p/s:
To Sam, SZ, Renny, Iggy, JY:
Thanks for coming for the performance, really great to have all of your support.

To Sheena and Han Jun:
Thank you for the lovely roses.

To M:
You are the star that shines my way.

Dance Camp

2008-05-14T08:48:00.002+08:00

Exams are finally over. Didn't really feel the excitement of ending the exams. Maybe I am just too tired.

I have just came back from my dance camp too. Of course, we dance for the three days camp, and practising hard for the upcoming performance on 25th May 2008. I will be performing two dances, Cha Cha and Rumba. Anyone who wants to go for the performance at University Cultural Centre can call me up for the tickets. However, my feet has not been in a very good condition after the dance camp. The toes get numb easily and I guess there is some problem with the blood circulation. Really worried about it.

Currently looking for part time jobs. Preferably office admin or data entry. Feeling frustrated when there is no reply from any of the companies...

Random Update

2008-05-04T08:21:00.003+08:00

One more paper to go tomorrow, and I will be freed for at least three months from studies (hopefully).

One of my friends said that I look happier and smile more nowadays, is it true?

Going to hit the dance floor again. Anticipating.

Everyone going back home for the vacation? I am not sure when could I be back though. Most probably a weekend or something.

Have been studying, studying and studying...

Thoughts

2008-04-29T18:52:00.004+08:00

I have read a friend's post about the Bourgeoisie and Proletariat, that reminded me of the thoughts I have been wondering since secondary school. Classifying the society by the freedom of choice, to me, is just a view of the society from one angle. Indeed, the society can be grouped into people with or without the freedom of choice, which some would think it is a sad fact of life.

I have been wanting to earn a scholarship to study overseas since secondary school. I saw it as the way of going out of my country, the way of getting a better life than what my family is having now, and the way of upgrading and improving myself. I would not have the chance to study in overseas if I didn't make up my mind by the less-than-a-day deadline, as I know getting a scholarship from my own country was even more difficult.

I would not deny the fact that money is important in our lives, but I have seen too many incidents where money becomes a source of problems, arguments, and conflicts.

Today, I still think that education is a way of getting to a higher class, although this statement requires more explanation for verification. However, getting myself to a higher class (or more specifically, from the bourgeoisie to the proletariat) is not the aim or goal of my life. I would not want to take it that way as well. There are so much more things that is worth being made as an aim. I have the freedom to live healthily, I have the freedom to live happily, I have the freedom to choose.

Final Examination

2008-04-27T09:29:00.003+08:00

Yesterday marked the start of my final examination for my second semester in NUS. I couldn't say I was productive during the reading week, but I have done the best for my preparation. I recalled I used to be well prepared for the past examinations, but this time I don't feel prepared at all, at least for a number of modules that I am taking. Guess I am still finding a balance point between work and play.

Looking for part time jobs for the coming vacation. Have to really save a lot for my vacation rent, for my dance competition (as it determines whether I would be taking part), and for a trip to Hong Kong at the end of the year (if ever I am going... hmm...).

Dance Mini Competition

2008-04-20T18:55:00.002+08:00

Finally the long-waited dance mini competition has come. It is always held after the last class of the elementary and intermediate course, to encourage the students to practise their dances. I can't say I have been training really hard, but I have done my best for the preparation for this competition.

Glad that our efforts are paid off.

Anyway, enjoy the dance.

Come What May

2008-04-18T15:57:00.003+08:00

Am listening to a nice song...

Come What May
Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Come back to me, and forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Ended

2008-04-16T00:14:00.000+08:00

The decision is made.

It has ended.

Letting go...

2008-04-15T21:54:00.003+08:00

I want to let go.

Feeling tired of holding up to something that I couldn't see.

Feeling exhausted of grabbing something that is not supportive.

Feeling disappointed of getting empty calls when I need a listening ear.

Feeling despair of being down while I was supposed to have felt being held up.

Feeling alone.

I will let go of your hand, since you are not holding me tight.

I will let go, since it made me suffer so much.

Random

2008-04-12T02:28:00.003+08:00

Using a different computer now, I shan't tell where I am. =)

Have been having restless nights, thanks to the assignments and lab reports that I have to submit weekly. Was sustaining myself with coffee, and I realise even if I have three shots of coffee a day I still can fall asleep easily. All I need to do is just close my eyes and I will regret the next morning for not being able to stay up to finish my work.

今天早上下了一场大雨，好久没有这么早起床，倾听雨音了。可惜起床的原因是要临时抱佛脚，只为了早上的一场考试。

最近感情的事让人懊恼，我想，是彻底的失望。距离不是因为两人在世界的两个极端而存在，而是缺乏沟通。没有沟通，那唯一让两人的心连在一起的桥梁也就垮了。

还是被爱的感觉比较好。

Sprained ankle

2008-04-11T13:55:00.003+08:00

It's been almost three weeks since I last penned anything down here. Yeah, school life has been busy with me, there is so many things to catch up... Lab reports, assignments and continual assessments were keeping me away from blogging. I just had another CA today, and it has become my worst CA for as long as I could remember. Anyway it's over now, and I better focus for another one that is coming up next Monday.

I had a break of one week off from dance. The instructors were away, so the classes for one whole week was canceled. I realize dancing makes me relax my mind, it makes me feel happy and excited about life, it makes me enjoy being accompanied with friends. Unfortunately this one-week break is not enough for me to fully recover my feet, as they have been strained for the past few weeks. I had sprained my ankle as well, although it's not to the extent that I can't dance at all. I have sprained my left ankle at least twice before, and those times were really bad. I will have to be careful nowadays, as old wounds can cause a lot of troubles. The tendons of both of my legs are breaking down as well... I really have to take care. However, I guess I can only get a good rest during my final exams, where I would get three weeks of break from dance. I can't imagine how am I going to stop dancing for THREE weeks!

Exam is coming soon...

Medal Test

2008-03-24T09:07:00.002+08:00

Another week has gone. Went to catch a movie on Thursday night after dance practice with my dance fellows. We feel so retarded after watching 'Step Up II', as the people in the movie can move really fast, especially compared to our dancing speed. But they are two different kinds of genre, so it's just an eye opener for me. We planned to go to a latin dance club after that, but it was closed too early. Settled with a restaurant at Arab Street till almost dawn.

A weekend full of dance practice because of the Medal Test on Saturday night. Even went back to practice on a public holiday. Got some comments from the examiner, at least I didn't feel stress during the test, which seldom happens when I take test. Besides, I am really glad that some problems are being solved fast, and I am trying to move things to the correct track.

This week will be another busy week.

Update

2008-03-18T11:00:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time since I am free on Sunday, or rather, to stay in hostel and do my studies instead of going for dance classes. Today is only Tuesday and I already felt that I missed dancing very much, though I have been quite bothered by some problems on the dance floor.

I have two tests on this week, one was held yesterday and another would be held on the coming Thursday. I guess I would have to spend more time on studies, but meanwhile I will still go for dancing to relax my mind after a whole day of information overloading.

Am looking forward to 19th FUN-o-Rama 2008 at ACJC. It's been a while since I last go to any fun fair. The last time was two years back, but I was the stall manager rather than the people who played the games. So I guess this time it'll be a good time for me to have fun.

Vacation plans are about to be done. Most probably will only go back home for less than a week.

SMU Vegas Night 2008

2008-03-16T07:39:00.002+08:00

Here it goes for the SMU Vegas Night 2008 organized by SMU Bondue at SMU's Sports Hall yesterday evening. Went with one of my seniors, as we were both curious about what is it about. Therefore after dance classes, I rushed back to prepare and meet up with my friend to have a dinner before the event started. When we reached there, we just realized there was food provided, and the food were very very nice. I guess the organizer was trying to create the casino atmosphere.

It was still early after we finished trying out the food, hence we just walked around and enjoyed the whole atmosphere, analyzing each part of the events and learning how the organizer was going to spice up the atmosphere. They started with a solo singing performance, dedicating the song "不了情", then there went the Cha Cha dance performances by the SMU Caderas Latinas, which my friend had good comments for them. For me, it looked good for performances, as they had a lot of styling, but it's more of social than ballroom, fun than elegant. After that, we were enjoying the misty atmosphere created by the DJ of the night, but the emotions was spoilt immediately by the next performance band. The band was considered good, but the whole performance was bad because of the lead singer. He sang out of tunes sometimes, and I wasn't sure whether he has followed the beat correctly.

The event was finally started officially. There were Texas Hold'em Poker, Baccarat, Roulette, and Black Jack. The students from the AGMI were practising their skills learned for casino management. We were first observing, looking at different tables, learning how to play the games. We started with 100 dollars worth of chips on hands, and going from tables to tables, enjoying the thinking process and the dependency of sheer luck. We managed to turn all our white chips into black ones, which made up more than 1000 dollars if they were to be redeemed back to cash. The Roulette and the Baccarat were the two that we visited more often, as we could actually double our sum of chips for us to play Texas Hold'em. I learned that gambling can be really quite addictive, and it depends on a person to exert self control for one to win a lot from a casino.

We headed to Ministry of Sound (a club) at Clarke Quay after that, as we had free entry to it due to the event. It has spoilt quite a lot of my impression for clubbing, as the music were too loud and too 'robotic' for me. My friend was right, there is a big difference between drinking and not drinking when you are clubbing, and it's better to go in a big group of friends than just two people. We didn't stay long, as we didn't find any friends there and we decided to catch the last train back.

It was a good experience and it is the 2nd event organized by SMU that I have attended. There is indeed a big difference between NUS and SMU people, especially engineering and business students, especially of the character and personality. Really enjoyed interacting with people of different groups with different thinking and perceptions.

Learn and enjoy the learning process.

Fatique

2008-03-14T10:56:00.003+08:00

I have not had enough sleep recently. Only slept for two hours on Wednesday night, and four hours last night. Worst thing was I had to keep myself awake during lecture, as I didn't wish to miss anything. I don't think these few days I would have more time to sleep either, as there are two tests coming up next week.

I had an early day today, finished my lecture at 10am just now. Really need to start studying. Have been telling myself about it, but I didn't really push myself to my limits. Tomorrow is Saturday, and am looking forward to attend the Vegas Night organized by SMU Business Club. I guess it would be a very different event. Experience the unexperienced experience.

Facing some problems with dancing recently. Self conflict, interpersonal relationship, connection, expectation, passion. I hope these could summarize up my stories.

选举后的省思

2008-03-10T17:33:00.003+08:00

一届大选又过去了。而这一次，是史无前例的，是惊天动地的，是震撼人心的。

反对党的大胜，不是因为人民支持反对党，而是人民对国阵失望，人民求变心切。国内各大城市的“沦陷”，证明了选民的政治意识水平提高，民主制度开始走向成熟的路线。这有赖于美国，俄罗斯和台湾的大选筹备，也有赖于资讯的发达一日千里。独立后的五十年，终于体会、了解民主。而没有血腥味的民主，是值得让人骄傲的。

虽然身在国外，依然能感受到历史改写的那股兴奋，那股忧虑。兴奋，因为看到了国家的希望，看到人民进步的思想；忧虑，因为州政府和中央政府，有一定的冲突与矛盾，而这又可能影响国家未来五年的发展。无论如何，人民还是把国家未来五年的发展当赌注，赌了一把。

突然觉得那个离我渐远的国度，变得很近了。也许是因为，我看到了希望。

Singapore A level Results

2008-03-09T06:11:00.002+08:00

This is always a good time for reflection - the release of A level results. It's no longer the Singapore GCE A levels, as it is now being known as the Singapore A levels, which signifies a change of syllabus and systems.

Anyway, we had a dinner organized by juniors last Friday at Holland Village's NYDC. Although not all of the juniors made it on stage, they generally did well for their A levels, as we would have expected. Staring at those J1s and J2s, we realized how different our lives are now in university compared to JC. I once disagreed that university life was better compared to JC's. However, I guess it really depends on the attitude that we handle things, and now I finally feel that university life is much better.

Chatted with the J4s about our university life. There is only one conclusion: explore your passion.

Soiree 2008

2008-03-02T08:51:00.002+08:00

Rushed to a concert yesterday after dance lessons, organized by NUS Harmonica Orchestra. Was a bit late for the concert, but still managed to find a nice place and enjoyed the whole process. Too bad that I don't have a music background, or I should find myself appreciate more of the music. The guest soloist, Yasuo Watani performed quite a lot of the songs, and his skills were marvelous. For the rest of the concert, I prefered Under The Sea and America played by the whole ensemble for the last two songs, and the song dedicated to the orchestra's first president.

I found out that most of the audience were foreigners, and that was because most of the members in the orchestra are foreigners. My friend said that's because Singaporeans would prefer violin and piano to harmonica. He was performing last night as well, but I didn't manage to meet him after the concert. He is finally free now.

ACS Founder's Day

2008-03-01T10:03:00.002+08:00

It's ACS Founder's Day today, and I went back to ACJC yesterday for the 122nd Founder's Day Thanksgiving Service. The service reminded me of the devotion sessions every morning and Monday assembly. I actually missed them very much, though I am not a Christian. Met up with a few ex-classmates and old friends, and talked to a few of my teachers. Almost every teacher was saying that Chemical Engineering is a very difficult course, I guess I have no choice but to work hard.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalm 91:1

I remembered I saw this verse every morning during assembly in the hall, and yesterday, it reminded me one thing: strive for excellence.

p/s: Had a good chat with my GP teacher...

Bailamos en la Calle

2008-02-29T21:47:00.003+08:00

Well, the long-waited (not really, I only knew about that event one day before) Bailamos en la Calle was finally held yesterday at DXO Music Club at the Esplanade Mall, organized by SMU Caderas Latinas, a Latin Dance club. The event was actually consisting of social dancing interspersed with games and performances. The performances was done by local (Singapore) tertiary dance groups, including SMU, NTU, NUS, SIM and RP.

It was mostly social Salsa music played during the social periods, and I got my first glimpse of social Salsa and Latin, instead of the ballroom style that I have been learning. I didn't really like it very much, probably because it's too 'social' for me, and there is a lack of elegance for the style. However, it's easier to learn compared to ballroom, and more relaxing as it's more of a social dance. I still like Latin American compared to Afro-Cuban Latin. However, it was my first time going to a club, so another first-time exposure for me.

Thanks to someone who was so patient with me during shopping for the dress, and all the opinions given and research done for me. I was really touched. And special thanks to him as well for the company for the whole night.

A memorable day

2008-02-26T22:50:00.002+08:00

I shall mark today as one of my memorable days in my life, as I have met someone who has similar passion for dance as me. It's not that there are no such people in dance, but it's still very difficult to find someone that can communicate well and understands my passion. I learned a lot from him today, and yeah, it's the beginning of another excitement.

Be passionate about what I am doing.

Be willing to learn.

Be humble. =)

计较

2008-02-24T22:45:00.002+08:00

记得小时候，曾经读过一句名言：忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空。

也许人与人之间的交流，少不了摩擦和冲突。小时候与朋友闹脾气，也只是一两天的事，过了几天，大家都会忘了，彼此又闹成一团。但现在人长大了，有自己的思想，记忆力也似乎比以前‘好’很多。跟朋友之间的恩怨，都会计较。一个无心的问题，可以让人对你有所误解。而就算你让一步，他也未必放得下。

还是不要太过计较。

愛情是動詞

2008-02-22T15:39:00.001+08:00

愛情，從來不是個名詞。

像一條蜿蜒曲折的溪流，從不停息。溪流干枯了，愛情就死亡。

溪流流到湖中，就如已經成了結局的婚姻。或者豐盛、或者死寂、或者水光粼粼、或者暗流洶涌，到底已成了形，再怎麼樣，也逃不開一般的變化，不再有驚訝喜悅、出乎意表的激動。再怎麼幸福，愛戀的感覺都漸漸在淡化。童話裡說：從此公主和王子過幸福的生活，他們可沒說公主和王子永遠都在戀愛中。

溪流清新、一路輕唱，有如初相識，一顰一笑，皆為那人而起。為一點點小事而歡欣、為一點點小事而嗔怒；喜，不自禁、痛，徹心扉、一切都刻骨銘心，把心情使到最極端。

兩人相視而笑，做一切傻呼呼的動作，光是一起喝水都開心。時不時偷偷的看看他，是否他也看過來，於是又微笑起來。無端端撥個電話給對方，只想聽一聽他的聲音。聽到喜歡的歌、看到美麗景色，都想有他一起分享。而只要兩人在一起，在哪裡都是良辰美景。只要見到他，快樂就充滿了整顆心。

愛情一路走、漸行漸遠漸無聲

這樣沉重的情懷，如何能持久？婚姻或許可以經營，愛情卻永不可能。

再怎麼情深意重，都會到達盡頭。

羅密歐和茱麗葉、梁山伯與祝英台，都因為沒有結合，令愛情蕩氣迴腸，永不停歇。世間又到哪裡找得到楊過，離別 16年後愛情依然保鮮？

溪流不能凝滯、溪流不能有停下來的一天，愛情一路走、漸行漸遠漸無聲。再怎麼濃的愛意，終究不能永遠保持。

原本以為：是他變了、還是她變了；或是兩人一起變。生命中有太多未知數，一一都可影響愛戀的心。

其實不是這樣的。愛情的本質就是動詞，永不靜止。再怎麼保持原狀，也沒有人能夠留在原來的情懷中。就好像看一場最美的電影，亦不能停格，把畫面凝止後，就不再是電影了，只是一幅幅美麗的畫。

當你還擁有最美麗的情懷時，好好珍惜把握。玫瑰最盛放的時候，一切即將結束。你和他之間，將來如何，誰都不能知道。而結合或不結合，結果其實都一樣，再怎麼力挽狂瀾，愛情它還是走過去了。幸福的人，只好緊緊抱僅剩的感情過一生。

因為，愛情是動詞。

星洲日報/副刊‧文：冰果‧2008.01.31

Wednesday

2008-02-20T15:17:00.002+08:00

It's Wednesday again! Yeah, there will be dance lessons today later, and I am really looking forward to it. =) I remembered one of my seniors was telling that he can't imagine life without dancing even for two weeks. He was the one who inspired me to go on for dancing, and I really thank him for teaching me so much and passing me the passion. I have known more people in dance today than last semester, and yeah, there are a lot of passionate people, and all of us get excited about dancing even till today. We enjoyed it very much.

Meet two of my ex-roommates today. They told me I have changed a lot (in a good way), physically. =) I guess dance has really changed me a lot. We chatted quite a while, really miss the time when we stayed in the same room together last time. Perhaps next time we have the chance, since hostel's fees is hiking for the following three years.

It's already the middle of the week. Homework is piling up again, I'm afraid, but still, remember to enjoy life!

Another weekend

2008-02-17T21:02:00.004+08:00

Another weekend is gone. I was occupied with dance lessons, of course, and today marked the end of the elementary foxtrot and rumba, and intermediate cha cha. The new classes - elementary waltz and samba, and intermediate rumba - will be starting next week. I am really looking forward t0 dance lessons and practice everyday, as they has made my life in Singapore much more interesting.

I am feeling tired about studies... Trying hard to motivate myself and keep myself to think positive... Learning to enjoy the process. =)

Valentine's Day

2008-02-15T19:06:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was, of course, the long-waited Valentine's Day. There was still lessons, the only difference compared to normal days was you could see a lot of girls holding flowers and presents in the whole uni. Girls dressed up more nicely, and guys would either pretend nothing was special or happily waiting for the special evening to come. At least everyone (almost) has got a smile on their faces.

I had a long day of lessons, and after that was the normal dance practice. Very few people went for the practice, and I had a great time with the seniors and dance-mates. After practice, it was supper time as usual. We went to Clementi (the seniors droved us there), and the girls has got roses from the guys. Well, spending time with friends during Valentine's Day wasn't that bad. =)

Some of my friends said Valentine's Day is being over commercialized and not as important. For me, it will always be an important day. A miracle happened last year on that very special day, though I worked for 12 hours on that day. Knowing someone, who became an important part of my life, on that day, of course, has made that day special and precious. However, we were not able to spend our first anniversary together. One of the many to come.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2008-02-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the eve of Chinese New Year, and I will be reaching home at around 10pm. Will miss the reunion dinner of course, but at least I will be back home for a few days.

Indeed, my life is still busy, busy and busy.

I have started to miss dancing, and it's just Tuesday. At least I will have to wait till next Wednesday or Thursday. Really addicted to dance...

Some of my friends are already at home, and I am going back only tomorrow despite my lessons ended early today and all my lessons are canceled for tomorrow. Nevertheless, I don't really mind, going shopping with Jo later and I am sure we will have a great time later. =)

Estirado

2008-01-31T22:56:00.001+08:00

Today is a Thursday. Of course, dance practice after one whole day of lessons. I am not sure why I couldn't gain satisfaction from dance practice today, as I usually do. Perhaps I am too tired after lessons, perhaps I didn't sleep well last night, but I am not one that will find excuses for myself. Worse was I strained my muscles after the practice finished, hopefully it will recover by Saturday before I have my dance lessons again.

Homework is piling up, and I seems to be ignoring them.

One step at a time.

New week ahead

2008-01-28T10:56:00.001+08:00

Days are getting busier. Dance. Dance. Dance. =) I guess I'm especially drowned in the music.

I guess I've started to lag behind on schoolwork. Not a good sign. Guess I will have to organize my time properly.

Work hard. Play hard.

珍藏

2008-01-21T20:33:00.000+08:00

逃避了将近一年，是时候面对了。

终于明白，有些事，是不可能放下的。

只能让时间冲淡，抑或，把它珍藏在心底最深处。

Second day

2008-01-16T07:59:00.001+08:00

I only had two hours of lessons yesterday morning, and it was from 8 to 10. Had to wake up really early especially compared to my waking-up-time during the holidays. Anyway, that lesson - Chemical Engineering Principles - is the start of my Chemical Engineering modules. Calculations. Problems. Quantification. Hopefully Chemical Engineering isn't only about all this. At least I will try to make it doesn't sound like.

Interestingly my lecturer is from Belgium, and so far my Chemistry lecturer is also from the UK. Mathematics lecturer is local, and the Programming TA who gave an introductory lecture is from India (I guess from his English slang, not sure though). One more Biochemistry of Biomolecules to go.

Life is becoming interesting, though this semester I know that I will have to work even harder. =)

p/s: Congrats to Geri who won the Wan Fook Weng Medal from ACJC. "She made us as Malaysians proud," quote a friend.

First day of second semester

2008-01-14T21:06:00.001+08:00

Today is the first day of school, after more than one month of break. I am sick again, and had to visit the University Health and Wellness Centre before my lessons began today. Bought a second hand book, then waited for the doctor for one hour just to see her for less than two minutes, got my medicine, rushed straight to the Science Faculty canteen for lunch, then went straight to lecture. Five hours of lecture straight, and I had to rush to Engineering Faculty after Organic Chemistry.

Anyway, it's still first day of lessons, so the pace of lectures are still considerably slow. I don't mind, as I am still sick and do not want to rush everything. Hopefully my focus and attention won't let me down at the end of the five hours, as it was very tiring to have back-to-back lectures.

Have been going for dance classes and practice for the past few days. I really enjoyed a lot, as it makes me feel relaxed. Looking forward to dance classes nowadays, though it took me one hour plus from my hostel to the studio. Well, that's the time to free my mind. =)

Planning to work hard and play hard for this new semester, and of course, enjoy life.

Happy New Year

2008-01-12T09:32:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess it's not too late for me to greet everyone Happy New Year!

School is reopening next Monday, and I have spent the full six weeks of holidays to do only one thing: rest. Indeed, I slept like mad, spending almost everyday sleeping, eating and watching television, yet I guessed I have fully rested my mind.

New year resolutions? Study hard, play hard, and worry less. In short, enjoy life, of course. My timetable is going to be quite packed compared to last semester's. But I guess I will take it as a challenge, rather than pressure.

Full steam ahead. =)

Singapore

2007-12-23T12:42:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am now in Singapore for three days. And I will be going back home tomorrow, again. Wasting 100 bucks on coming back and forth, or is it really wasting?

I didn't have my holidays well planned this time, as everything seemed to me to be uncertain back then. It was too late when things become certain, as I have already bought the ticket. It's too sad to tell about the underlying reason or story of my trip. So here I am in Singapore, alone, trying to entertain myself with lots of outings with friends.

Well, it's not that bad to be here for three days, after all. I got to get some last-minute christmas presents for my family, got to chat with a friend for the whole evening, got to dance for 5 hours (though the dance class today is canceled and I only knew it yesterday), got to attend a christmas musical, and got to meet up with an old friend later in the evening. If I have not come to Singapore, then I will be spending these three days sleeping at home, day at night, as usual.

I have to reflect on what I want out of my university life. It's so different from what I have thought last time, and somehow there was no time to reflect on what I really pursue in these four years. Now is a good time to really think about it, and of course, plan.

Back home

2007-12-03T18:24:00.000+08:00

Back home. Have been sleeping almost every hour lately. Guess I need those sleeps to rest my mind totally.

Perhaps you might be wondering why I am back home so early. Yeah, I finished my exams early, which means, I had a very packed schedule. Really glad it's over, as I can't imagine how did I go through five modules in four days, and three of them are within 24 hours. Maybe you would say that as long as I have tried my best, then there is nothing to be thought or worried about. Yet, I am not sure, not sure even whether I have really tried my best. I chose to believe I had.

Anyway, holidays is here for me!

记忆

2007-11-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

想哭
因为太了解
因为无可奈何
因为人是自私的

心情低落时
总爱蓦然回首
享受着回忆的浪潮
似乎已经忘了当下
但是
事实往往是残酷的
遨游的思想
还是必须回到主人的身旁
还是得面对现实

记忆
让人欢喜
更让人忧愁
虽然说
无法回到过去
就应该展望未来
然而
有时候
依然宁愿
让记忆玩弄自己
因为
现实实在太残酷

心药

2007-11-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

最近一直犯头疼，追根究底，理由是心病。

很多话，说了还不如不说。因为，结果都是让人失望的。

有些话，是必须压抑在心里的。

也许，它将永远成为一个深藏在心底的秘密。

虽然如此，仍然没有勇气说出来，因为，不敢承担后果。

心病终须心药治。

然而，心药在哪里？

Don't be stingy

2007-11-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when we are tired, mentally or physically, we just hope someone will hug us or tell us that they are supporting us. Similarly, sometimes I just hope that my love ones and friends will tell me that they still support me, or miss me very much. I know perfectly well that they do, but still, I still wish that I could hear people telling me that personally, perhaps again, and again. Assurance, you can call that, but that's one of the important ways to keep ourselves going on. One cannot live with only the memories one has, the memories need to be refreshed once in a while, just as computers need to be restarted.

Words do matter, sometimes. Sweet memories need to be added into the memory pool, and again, it's re-assurance.

So, don't be stingy to spend more time with the people you care, qualitatively (beware that the time might be spent quantitatively instead). Don't be stingy to give your hug, who knows your friends might be down at that time and needs that very much? Don't be stingy...

Home...

2007-11-02T21:33:00.001+08:00

I thought I have used to the life here... and I realise I have not.

I'm missing home badly, especially tonight.

I am depressed again.

Saturday

2007-10-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

Today went out with my ex-roommates. Lunch, dinner, and visited their rooms.

Life in hall is really different from Prince George's Park Residences. The condition there is nicer than what I have thought. But that comes with a price. If I am given a choice again, I think I will still choose PGPR. It's a comfort zone for me... At least the life style in PGPR is... Hall life makes up most of uni life, but I am not sure whether I will ever like it.

Didn't study today for the whole day. Neither did I sleep for the whole day. Improvement?

Dreams...

2007-10-25T17:24:00.000+08:00

These few days keep meeting my Malaysian coursemates. They are considered fresh to Singapore, as they just came here after UEC or STPM. Looking at them struggling with English and coping with life here, I remember that I was once like them. Coming to this new country, trying to pursue our dreams for tertiary education that our government has denied us, we are hence being called international students. And if you are holding a scholarship, you are hence being called scholar.

It is an option. It is a choice. And yet, are we given a choice?

Speaking about dreams, I have numerous dreams when I was studying in secondary school. I wanted to go overseas to pursue a degree, as the best public university at that time - Malaya University was just not up to my so-called ideal. I wanted to go further. Receiving the fax telling me about the scholarship offer, I knew that once I replied back for acceptance, there will be no turning back. The choice for public university was phased out. So I ended up in Singapore for two years of Junior College's life, and without much choice due to financial ability, I ended up in National University of Singapore, as NTU didn't offer me any scholarship.

Now I'm in Singapore. I was lost for almost three months, wondering about my aims and goals here, as I didn't have any vision about the life in NUS. Why am I here at the first place? Why this is so different from my perspective of university life?

I realise that this is just another stepping stone for me. Singapore will not be my final destination. I will want to go further to look at the different side of the world.

I have a dream.

Special weekend

2007-10-23T10:06:00.000+08:00

Another weekend has passed without being noticed. Productive in some ways, but definitely not studies.

Manage to jog without being fainted half way. However, the rain was pouring and we had to take the shuttle bus back to our hostel, despite it is so near from the bus stop that we seek shelter. Still, rain is beautiful, and starting my weekend in such weather was really relaxing. I told st that sadly there is no coffee shop around PGPR, or else we could have gone for 'morning tea'. What a relaxing idea...

After sleeping for almost half a day, st, sz and me met up again to make our very first pizza. I know a bit of easy cooking, but dealing with flour is not in the list. So the making of the bread part went to sz, where he has made noodles (ban mian) before. St and me were in charge of the tuna topping (our very secret recipe), cheese omelette, and fish nuggets.

Our hand made pizza...

The omelette was put at the wrong container, that's why it looked so wrong...

Fish nuggets, st almost risked herself by preparing to pour the whole bag of nuggets straight into the frying pan..

Another Saturday has gone.

Slept for almost the whole Sunday. Thanks sz for unintendedly reminding me of the root to all my problems and internal conflicts. Sometimes, one might lost sight of one's dream, especially when one is struggling with adapting to the environment even after three months. I didn't want to follow the normal path, as the reason for me to take up my course isn't the same as others. I will strive for my dream, though I have no detailed plan to follow. I will find my own path. I will follow my own way. It is going to be lonely, but all the while I have been lonely, so not much of difference.

Do you have a dream? Or you are just living day-by-day?

False hope...

2007-10-18T22:21:00.001+08:00

If you are not intending to do something, please don't tell me you might be going to do it at the first place.

Please... do not give me a false hope.

Life...

2007-10-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to control my emotions cautiously lately. I told myself that I shouldn't be stressed out, even when tutorials are piling up and assignments are due soon. Tried to think from the positive side, tried to be optimistic, tried to smile even when I am down...

I know I need to get the hang of university life. Maybe it's quite late to say that, but I know I am a slow adapter, and things will only turn out right to me after around at least half a year. So I guess I will just have to bear with whatever that happens or will happen.

Urticaria has still remained a problem to me. I am getting used to it, though it has restricted me from doing a lot of things, especially choice of food. I know stress has played a role in stimulating it, as it attacked more severely when I was pressurized. Bear with it...

An old friend's inspiration

2007-10-11T21:59:00.000+08:00

It's difficult to know friends when we go into university, I find this very true. Today PT and I went for practice together, and we laughed to each other for two hours... We have known each other since Form 1, hmm, for around eight years. Although we were in the same class for only one year, and it freezes all these years, when we didn't really meet each other, our friendship remain strong. We can talk about almost everything, laugh about almost everything. Seeing her almost every week somehow lighten myself up. Also, she made me realise that sometimes some friends will never become close spiritually and emotionally, despite how close 'physically' they are...

Pessimistic....

2007-10-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

I have become a pessimist again. It's the same thing again after all these years. I tried so hard to become an optimist, and yet again, after entering uni, I have forgotten how to see things from the positive side. Nothing appeared to me as interesting, neither do I see the meaning and purpose of life...

Upset.

Down.

Interest...

2007-09-29T18:42:00.000+08:00

I have been feeling very boring today, almost for the whole day. It's not that I have nothing to be finished, just that I have the tendency to ignore them and wasted a whole day of time. One of my friend asked me to do something I have interest in, and somehow, I am lost. I don't know what I have interest in. I don't know what is my hobby. I once thought playing chess, swimming, and reading are my hobbies, but yet I don't feel like doing all those activities. Is studying my hobby? Definitely not. And right now, I am lost about the things I am pursuing. I am lost about what is my goals and aims in life. Being an atheist, I won't be able to understand or accept the purpose of life in the Christianity's context. Maybe that's why my spirit goes down tremendously as well...

Holidays

2007-09-28T16:33:00.000+08:00

Time flies... There goes my one week of holidays at home.

Didn't manage to study much, as I keep telling myself I need to rest at least for this one week of holidays for me to move on. I am not sure whether I have had enough rest, at least I am sleeping more than eight hours a day. My urticaria problem has been worsening, and maybe that's another reason why am I resting so much. Went to medical centre for follow-up, and the doctor gave me another set of medicine, experimenting...

I heard from my friends that they have been studying. I am not sure why I haven't started studying. Maybe they have more subject to study. Maybe I am just ignoring the stress and pressure. Maybe I am just trying to relax for once. Anyway, I guess my holiday is over since I am back to Singapore. So the time to start study is near...

Home....

2007-09-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

Going back home in 8 hours time... Reaching Bangsar at 12.30pm later tomorrow.

Can't wait to go back. Can't wait to get the pressure off my shoulders.

Transition state

2007-09-20T15:22:00.001+08:00

I realise my life is in a transition state. From the chemist point of view, a compound in a transition state is rather unstable, and cannot be isolated.

Definitely, my life now is unstable, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Yet I am now 'isolating' myself...

What if...

2007-09-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

I thought the problem is settled, yet it resurfaces again, after a full effort of suppression for a long period of time...

So what if I can't score for my exams?

So what if I screw up my assignments?

So what if I attend dance lessons?

So what if I stress out?

So what if I go beyond my limits?

So what if I am lost?

...

Tired

2007-09-11T01:11:00.001+08:00

Uni life will be much easier if you have gone through JC. Quote some seniors' opinion about university life. I totally disagree with that. Uni life is much more tiring than JC's, much much more tiring. There is no such term of 'Honeymoon' to me, especially not the first semester.

Tired of doing anything, and again, sleeping seems to be very precious to me. I hope I can sleep for a day without being called up by the alarm clock, not even when I even need the alarm clock for a nap.

迷失

2007-08-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

麻醉自己，是不是解决事情的最好方式?

我大概是在逃避吧！因为要逃避，所以麻醉自己，以最不可理喻的方式，让自己暂时忘记令人烦恼的事。但是，当自己醒过来的时候，却感到十分痛苦以及万般的无奈。

我是否迷失了？

Second week

2007-08-25T17:49:00.001+08:00

Second week of lecture and the start of sectional class of Critical Thinking and Writing. I am still trying to get used to the time, as my lessons are scattered and it seems that I am busier than my coursemates. I didn't know much about my classmates, as the rest of my friends did, as I am not in the same class with them most of the time. I am in five different classes with my five modules, that makes me even more difficult to know my allocated classmates.

I feel like a lone ranger, hanging around with friends but didn't manage to know them well... Or maybe, I just haven't found friends that have the click...

To A Best Friend

2007-08-25T17:02:00.001+08:00

Just discovered not too long ago that one of my friends will be leaving in early September to NUI Galway, Ireland. I guess I won't be having the chance to meet her up again before she leaves, and that makes my heart sinks. It will be a long long time before we are able to meet up again... Looking back at the memories that we shared during that half a year of being roommate, I treasure every moment we spent together despite it's only half a year. Although later she went off to pursue her studies, we are still keeping in touch, and giving each other support in every way we could. I know that we are definitely going to meet up again, but it might be years later...

All the best to her, and I give her all my best wishes.

First week of Lecture

2007-08-19T12:51:00.000+08:00

Here goes the first week of Semester 1, the week of lecture. After two years of being in Junior College, I guess I am quite familiar with the lecture-tutorial system, especially compared to those studying STPM. Being not able to understand what the lecturer has said is not any special case, as sometimes I used to sleep in lectures. Yeah, especially math lectures. I remembered last time I was often waken up by Chareli, Petrina, or Priya during math lectures, as my resistance towards the sleep bug was too low. It's only first week of lecture, and I started to fall back into slumberland again. Haha... I guess I will try to increase my resistance level before I miss half of the lessons.

Meanwhile, for those who are concerning about my health and worrying about me, thank you very much. I have recovered from my cough and lost of voice, now left the chronic Urticaria to be cured eventually. Just taking medicine to control, as the dermatologist has said, the reason for this disease can't be traced.

I have got into the Chemical Science Programme, hence doing Life Science minor besides my major in Chemical Engineering. I have got an email from one of the seniors, she said that the programme is indeed tough and difficult, and at the end of four years only 2 to 3 people will remain in the programme out of around 20 selected at the start. Besides, she also said that only those who are academically good or those 'bookworms' will enjoy this kind of programme. So, since I am not academically good, I shall become a bookworm in order to achieve my passion in life science and research, right? =)

Sick again

2007-08-09T02:23:00.000+08:00

I guess this will be the third year where I will be sick right before school / uni starts. Yeah, I went to the doctor today, after considering the probability that I might recover without getting some medicine and good rest. Module registration has been messy, as I didn't get the preallocated modules this semester. Other friends didn't seem to have so much problem as my neighbour and I are having. Almost everything is preallocated for them, meanwhile, I have to bid for three modules with so little points on hand.

I lost my voice. Couldn't even recognize my own voice now.

The Start of NUS

2007-08-06T01:22:00.000+08:00

I am finally in Singapore. It has been one week since I am here, and yet, I haven't posted anything as I have been too busy with all the administration process and applications. So here I am, stealing a bit of my sleeping time to write about these few days in Singapore.

I have unpack my things within one day, and made my room a cozy one. On the very same day, I also shopped for a fan, a water heater, and some groceries. The next few days is all Matriculation Fair, welcome sessions and briefings. The day before yesterday was the start of the Orientation Week (O-week) for Engineering Faculty. O-week will resume today and will be carried on till coming Saturday.

Coming back to Singapore and being with my Orientation Group mates for more than 12 hours, I had a bit of culture shock again. A lot of them speaks Chinese, where this phenomenon is considered rare back in AC. Perhaps I'm too used to the AC's "English-speaking" environment...

Need to start getting used to uni's life.

A friend's call

2007-07-20T09:49:00.000+08:00

Finally bought the ticket to Singapore on 30th July 2007. I should say I am rather late, as most of my friends (apparently all of them) will be reaching Singapore at least a few days before I reach. Good thing is I have checked in way earlier, so that I won't have to squeeze among people that'll be checking in during that time. I was asking myself why am I moving in so late, and of course, I found the reason before I realize it. I won't have much time left with my family, and after this time I will be gone for years...

I received a call from a friend (Sam) last night, and I should say I was surprised when she asked me about my urticaria. We chatted a lot, about our friends, our future, our lives. She won't be going to the same university as mine (unlike the rest of my friends in Singapore), yet I guess she is well aware of her goals and aims, and she will be successful in life. I appreciated her for sending her regards for me, and I know that true friends do not need to keep in touch as often as we think. Once in a while, we might think of them. And at that moment, that's where phones and internet come into place...

Urticaria

2007-07-04T20:29:00.000+08:00

It is confirmed that I am having Urticaria. Went to see a dermatologist at Sunway Medical Centre after a severe attack last night.

Another set of medicines is waiting for me...

Allergy

2007-06-30T12:17:00.000+08:00

Allergy is driving me crazy. Have to postpone a lot of things because of it. And after one month of treatment, it's still bothering me. I checked the wikipedia, and my case seems to be like Urticaria.

Lack of time...

2007-06-24T11:56:00.000+08:00

One week left before we move into July.

There are so many things to be done, yet so little time left.

Update

2007-06-08T17:28:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I posted. Guess it's time for me to update before my blog is covered with dust. So here it goes...

I got the offer for Chemical Engineering in National University of Singapore, as well as the ASEAN scholarship. Relieved. Preparation goes well. Besides, I have quit my job in the cafe, since I have only two months left before I go back to Singapore again to pursue my dreams. Therefore, I am now at home, enjoying every single moment that I have with my family and my dear.

As a starter, I went to Penang and Langkawi with Zhi Ying, Jo, and Michele. We met up with Lim Zhi in Penang as well. Delicious food, beautiful beach, glaring sun, expensive taxi fares, etc. Had a great time there.

Not sure what I am going to do next. Gathering with friends who came back from Scotland and Hong Kong, maybe?

I believe

2007-04-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

Crazy
you will describe me as such
if I tell you my whole story

I don't care
As I believe in something
that you will not believe

It is no luck
neither it is a chance
It is another miracle
that no one has created

We can create miracles
only with him together
for he has made me believe in
the power of true love

休止符

2007-04-06T11:10:00.000+08:00

两年……终于画上了休止符。

谢谢他对我的一场错爱。